My Wife Ripped My Clothes Off!
but it's not what you think
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I'm not the only one who's faced this attack on my nostalgia, my history, my dignity, right?
C'mon guys, back me up.
You've got those clothes you work in that remind you of decades gone by and one day the woman you love most in the world freakin' attacks you out of the dang blue 'cause she can't take your "nostalgic clohthes" no more.
It's humiliatin', am I right?
Dang. What's a married guy to do but put up with it?
My Wife Ripped My Clothes Off!
[Verse 1]
My wife ripped my clothes off, but it's not what you think
She tore my shirt faster than I could blink
"I want that shirt," she said, "it's going in the trash
So you better take it off quick as a flash"
The pants were going too, she said
The ones with that big old tear — "Give 'em up now, Fred"
[Chorus]
She ripped my clothes off! (Ripped 'em right off!)
Didn't care if I coughed! (No sir, not one bit!)
Thirty years of memories, stained from head to toe
She said "Boy, them rags gotta go!"
She ripped my clothes off! (Tore 'em clean apart!)
Broke this old man's heart! (But she means well, y'all!)
Now I'm standin' in my skivvies in the middle of the yard
'Cause my wife ripped my clothes off hard!
[Verse 2]
That shirt had character — grease stains tellin' tales
Oil from the tractor, paint from garage sales
That hole up by the shoulder? Coyote fence, '09
I earned every rip and every tear and every grime
She said "Honey that's not vintage, that's just a biohazard zone"
I said "It's lived-in!" She said "It's gone!"
[Chorus]
She ripped my clothes off! (Ripped 'em right off!)
Didn't care if I coughed! (No sir, not one bit!)
Thirty years of memories, stained from head to toe
She said "Boy, them rags gotta go!"
She ripped my clothes off! (Tore 'em clean apart!)
Broke this old man's heart! (But she means well, y'all!)
Now I'm standin' in my skivvies in the middle of the yard
'Cause my wife ripped my clothes off hard!
[Bridge]
Now some men say their wives don't understand 'em
But mine understands me a little too well
She looked me up and down and said
"Baby, you look like you lost a fight with a paint can and lost"
I said "This is a classic!"
She said "This is a *tetanus risk*"
And she wasn't wrong
[Verse 3]
So now I got a closet full of shirts still in the pack
Stiff as a board, and they all match — that's whack
I miss my rags, I miss my holes, I miss my dignity
But she says I look "presentable" — is that even me?
Still, when I mow the lawn now, folks wave instead of stare
So maybe she was right — but I'll never say it, I swear
[Final Chorus]
She ripped my clothes off! (Ripped 'em right off!)
Didn't care if I coughed! (No sir, not one bit!)
Thirty years of memories, stained from head to toe
She said "Boy, them rags gotta go!"
She ripped my clothes off! (Tore 'em clean apart!)
Broke this old man's heart! (But she means well, y'all!)
Now I'm standin' in my skivvies in the middle of the yard
'Cause my wife —
(She ripped his clothes off!)
Ripped my clothes off hard!
[Outro]
"Honey, where's my work boots?"
"...Don't get me started."
This is original work is produced by AK Darvinson with a combination of observation, critical thinking, insight, heart, compassion, passion, creativity, and technology. All rights are reserved. Free sharing is encouraged. Commercial use via license only.
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